Home » Guilt, anger or envy relating to the situation

Guilt, anger or envy relating to the situation

Trying to manage the emotional onslaught that comes with facing fertility problems can be very difficult, especially when it is accompanied by challenging feelings such as anger, guilt or envy.

It is completely natural to feel these strong emotions, especially as the desire to have your own baby is so strong and what seems so natural is proving so difficult. These feelings deepen when it seems that all around you colleagues, friends or family are discussing their plans for the future while you face another loss or feared disappointment.

Anger, guilt or envy can present in the following ways when you are faced with fertility problems.

  • Anger and frustration as life seems out of control with no ability to plan for the future
  • Anger towards others, who seem to “have babies without any difficulty and not appreciate them the way they should”
  • Guilt for feeling strong emotions such as anger or envy towards colleagues or friends, which leads to more sadness
  • Lowered self-esteem accompanied by feelings of inadequacy
  • Anger towards colleagues or friends who ask insensitive questions e.g. “when are you starting a family”. This can lead to avoidance of social gatherings, which may deepen feelings of isolation
  • Negative self-defeating internal dialogue, e.g. “I am a failure, there is no hope for us”

Online Fertility Counselling aims to support you with:

  • Changing unhelpful self-beliefs towards more self-compassionate/acceptance ones (CBT)
  • Working therapeutically with thought records to establish positive change
  • Providing you with coping statements for difficult questions from relatives
  • Integrating Rational Emotive Behavioural techniques (REBT) to recognize, challenge and change anger triggering beliefs
  • Mindfulness based skills to enhance self-esteem and self-acceptance
  • Working through uncertainty and loss in healthy ways
  • Changing negative thinking patterns, to more self-supportive ones e.g. “the cycle may have failed but that does not mean that I’m a failure. We are doing all we can to support ourselves, as best we can”
  • Replacing self-sabotage with self-nurture


Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a type of psychotherapy that looks at:

  • The way you think about yourself/others
  • What you think about the situation (e.g. fertility problem) you are experiencing and
  • How what you do and feel is influenced by what you think and believe. Changing how we think and what we do in response to difficulties will change how we feel and help us process challenging experiences in self-supportive ways

Mindfulness Therapy is beneficial because Mindfulness supports the body and the mind.

  • Integrating Mindfulness improves mental and physical health
  • It helps to relieve stress and improve sleep
  • Mindfulness is supportive in the treatment of depression, low mood, anxiety, couples conflict and stress reduction
  • Mindfulness helps people to manage painful emotions
    (Harvard Medical School)